Warning: this exam is an end-of-the-year assessment of your skills as…

Warning: this exam is an end-of-the-year assessment of your skills as a student and of the success of your entire school district.
Please make your marks heavy and dark, pay close attention to how much time is left in this session, and whatever you do, make sure
you don't get so nervous that you pee in your pants while taking it.


1)   Standardized tests best measure:                                     7)    The "Texas Miracle" proved that:
a)   the ability to reason and think clearly                              a)    country music makes kids smarter
b)   the radius of a purple beach ball falling at 532 miles per hour      b)    all we need to do is kick out all the low scoring and minority
c)   a student's overall ability to succeed                                     students
d)   the mental capacity for 8 year olds to do busywork                   c)    testing is the same as learning
                                                                          d)    y'all can't think for y'allselves
2)   An intelligent student might:
a)   score above the 90th percentile in all subjects                      8)    If a student left a test blank, they would:
b)   blow their nose with their test answer blank                         a)    lose all hopes of future success
c)   read and study for enjoyment                                         b)    jump for joy and save a trip to the child psychologist
d)   whistle Rachmaninoff throughout the entire exam                      c)    read a book
                                                                          d)    give their local board of education a hernia
3)   Standardized testing began:
a)   to prove the mental superiority of certain genetic breeds            9)    The scores of students most accurately reveal:
b)   to make sure the native children knew how to grow corn               a)    their parent's income
c)   as a way to screen contestants for Jeopardy                          b)    their ability to learn and explore the world
d)   at a Harvard tea party                                               c)    the number of nose hairs they have
                                                                          d)    how many doses of Prozac they were given the week before
4)   While a child takes a 12 hour exam, the child most likely
     feels:                                                               10)   What education really needs today is:
a)   tickled pretty by algebraic functions                                a)    real and caring human beings
b)   a strange sensation of nausea and near vomit                         b)    higher standards and tougher accountability
c)   trapped in a never-ending tunnel of boxes and numbers                c)    more Coke machines in the hallways
d)   the sheer discomfort of a plastic orange chair                       d)    better toilet paper in the bathrooms

5)   Approximately x dollars were spent by states on testing
                                                                          True or False (and nothing in between!)
     alone in 2001:
a)   nothing - the test companies volunteer for the good of humanity
                                                                          _____ In the end, we need tests as a way to hold schools accountable.
b)   $400 million
c)   $635.34
                                                                          _____ The 4th Grade MCAS exam is longer than the Massachusetts
d)   Half of Bill Gates' estate
                                                                                Bar Exam.
6)   In New York state, students
                                                                          _____ There's nothing I can do to change the testing craze in our
a)   boycotted the Regents exam by the hundreds and marched on
                                                                                schools.
     the Albany capitol building
b)   praised the department of education for such exciting exams
                                                                          _____ Tests are graded accurately and carefully by well-trained staff
c)   ate ham sandwiches for lunch
                                                                                at testing corporations.
d)   balanced score sheets on the tip of their noses
                                                                          _____ One day, you'll discover the reason you had to take so many
                                                                                tests.

Extra Credit: (hint: you just might get even more state money if you do this!)
1.) Create your own educational system. Tell us how it would run, what teachers would do, what students would do, what the schools
    would look like, where the money would go, what programs would be offered, and anything else you can come up with.
2.) List everything you'd do right now if you didn't have to take this or any other tests.

When finished, please turn this in to your principal, your local board of education, your elected officials, then make more copies of
this and hand them out at your school. In case they ask you how you scored, tell them there are no right or wrong answers.

                               If you wish more tests were like this, then go to:
                                              www.NoMoreTests.com